聖神修院神哲學院 宗教學部 第一學期 #9 二零零零年十一月四日

牧笛 週 訊

中東漫遊(一)        【  丘建峰  】

(隨聖神修院研究團遊中東十六天, 一方面增廣見聞, 另一方面亦感慨良多, 故為文以誌, 亦與同學分享當中得失。) 走過了相傳已二千歲的黎巴嫩香柏樹後, 我倆便離開這個香柏樹森, 走到大街上。大街的兩旁, 佈滿售賣香柏木紀念品的小攤檔。不知道是什麼原因, 整條大街, 沒有多少的遊客, 只有我們這一團香港人。我和太太信步而行, 四處張望, 但是每一個攤檔的主人都過於積極地遊說我們, 令我們沒有細心賞玩這些香柏木製品的機會, 於是, 很快就走到大街的盡頭了。當我們走到最後一個攤檔時, 攤檔的主人是一位中年的婦人。她看到我們, 神情有點驚訝, 又好像有點害羞, 不大敢我們說話似的。由於這個緣故, 我們在這個檔子可以從容地揀選紀念品, 終於, 我們選了一小塊的原木, 上面畫有一棵香柏木。 「多少錢?」太太用英語問她。 「兩塊錢, 美金。」她回答, 有點遲疑。 太太瞄向我, 眼神是說: 是否議價呢? 我向來不太習慣議價的, 便說: 「算了吧, 不過是兩美金。」於是, 就成交了。我拿出一張十元的美鈔, 她卻說沒有找續, 於是我便向另一位團友借了兩張一美元的鈔票, 給她。收到這張鈔票, 她顯得十分高興, 甚至有點激動。她不斷說多謝, 然後向我的太太說, 這是她今天開檔的第一宗交易, 而這刻, 已經是下午的四時了。她又談到自己完成一天的工作後, 要回家做家務, 談到政府對香柏木的種種嚴規, 不但不允許她們砍伐, 還要他們向政府購買香柏木; 她又拿起一件香柏木製品, 說是她父親親手刻劃的; 她又談到自己在大學上過這些雕刻的課程。 當她滔滔不絕地講的時候, 我心中不禁有點感動。不過是兩美元吧, 在香港, 我們買旗、買獎券時, 隨時也會付十元、二十元了。然而, 在這裡, 這兩美元的「魔力」竟然這麼利害, 叫這位臉帶憔悴的太太, 這麼雀躍。我望著自己手中那張十元美鈔, 很有衝動想給她, 叫她隨意給我一兩件製品, 作為一份愛德的禮品。可是, 在這份感動的同時, 在同一個心靈內, 我又有一份警戒之心。她的說話是否真的呢? 她這樣說的用意是什麼呢? 如果她等會兒開口要我們買她父親親手刻劃的製品, 就證明她現在的說話, 是一種商業的技倆了。我如果主動給她十元, 豈不是被人騙了? 於是, 一方面覺得很感動, 為當地人的辛苦所傷感的同時, 一方面又盤算著對方的心意, 以及如何拒絕對方的兜售。 最後, 她並沒有向我們兜售。 旅遊巴士開動了, 我們離開香柏木林, 這些小攤檔迅即被我們遠遠拋離。車上的團友各自交換買來的手信互相欣賞。我卻感到深深的悔疚, 為自己的「惡」而悔疚。小小的十元, 我保持了, 但是自己宣稱的愛德, 相信天主是父, 所有人都是我的弟兄姊妹的信念, 在這一刻, 明顯失去了。在車上, 我禁不住流淚, 為自己的罪感而深深悔恨。原來, 自己的信德愛德, 在實際行動上, 是比一張十元美鈔還要薄。原來自己最最著緊的, 不是愛人, 而是保護自己的利益。正正是在一件很微不足道的事情上, 自己的缺失, 才完全呈現出來。 在可見的未來, 相信我都沒有機會再到這個香柏木林了。如果有哪一位弟兄姊妹, 前進參觀時, 請為我向這位女檔主, 奉上十美元, 然後隨時拿兩件製品, 回來向我「算帳」----我可不想到最終時, 才由天主向我算這筆帳。 謝謝你。

Keeping the Faith

I saw a movie "Keeping the Faith" this week. A romantic comedy about a Catholic priest, a Jewish rabbi and a girlfriend they both love. They became friends at the tender age of 12. After the boys became a priest and a rabbi, they were reunited and later on, both of them were attracted by her bright and naturally cheerful personality and fell in love with her. This movie gave me a good deal of entertainment, howerver , it also evoked in me the thought if it would really happen in real life? Could a rabbi be so implusive, secretive and a priest be so unfaithful to his convictions, but both could preach their sermons very well. They were just caught in a human situation. After all even rabbis and priests have to live with their sexuality. My friend shared with me her experience this week that how she saw a miracle happen when she visited guadalupe in Mexico where Our Lady had appeared. When she saw the apparition, she was very grateful to God at that moment and promised Him she would be his very good daughter, attentive to his urgings and faithful to Him……. But when she returened to Hong Kong, she forgot everything and behave as her oldself, an unenthusiastic Catholic, Why? Why do people receive so much graces but still behave in that way? I always spent time to explain to my children not to watch too much T.V., not to play too much computer games and gameboy. They knew that this would distract them form their studies; would be harmful to their eyes and hook them to bad habits. However, whenever I am not at home, they spend a lot of time playing these sort of games? I often fell hurt and sad sometimes that my children strayed from advice given to them. Why? I think it could happen to everyone as most of all children who do not have mature and formed charter. I think if someone just let the mind rules alone but not his heart and the love that goes with it …… then a priest, a rabi, a Catholic adult or a child no matter how much he thinks he knows God can be easily loose with Him. So I need continually be in communion with him and develop an intimate loving feeling with Him then the chance of snapping that link and deep love for Him can be broken.

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