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I knew that I wanted to do theology or religious sciences when I was in secondary school. I talked about it with my parents. Asian being Asian, they turned down my suggestions right away – saying that I would not be able to ‘make a living’. Funnily enough, now I teach religious studies in a local secondary school…
Once started working, I continued with my discernment. Should I enrol in BRS? The first few years of work proved to be full of challenges and ups and downs, and I was very hesitant. But there has always been this longing deep inside me, and I knew, someday, I might take it up, God willing.
Three years ago, I started a new teaching job. On the one hand, I was feeling a bit freer as I was new to the environment and not that much was assigned to me. On the other hand, from my prayers, I felt once again very drawn to the idea of studying – this time focusing on religious sciences, enriching myself both academically and spiritually. It goes without saying, whilst the good spirit was present, I was torn between the evil spirit, too, as I was also thinking of taking my leisure time as a break to recharge, which was also highly sought after.
In my prayers and journals, I spent time with God. I was asking for the Spirit to descend upon me as I discerned. What would give me long-term happiness? What was God’s will? What decision would draw me closer to God, hence being in a state of consolation? I made my choice to start BRS last year, and I know, and I suppose all of you could relate, that it is tough. How will it end? I do not know. I am still praying about it and asking for prayers from family and friends.
Certainly, there were moments of temptations and trails. I remember sitting down looking at the Introduction to Moral Theology textbook, hungrily and more like furiously, trying to remember as much as I could to tackle the written exam. I had not been memorising so much within such a short period for some time. It really wasn’t easy. That was the first time that I contemplated whether I should simply give up and move on. But if winter is here, spring can’t be far behind.
Dear readers, I am sure you must have your very own personal struggles, and a lot of times, we, too, need to read the signs of the times, to respond to God’s call. No matter if we can complete the degree, at the very least, along the way, we are experiencing and living out the virtues of faith, hope, and love. May the good Lord continue to bless us abundantly as always. And may all of us be able to be His instrument according to His will. AMDG.
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